For most of my life, happiness meant chasing little pockets of pleasure.
A night out.
A Starbucks latte.
A new purchase.
A good meal.
A swipe right… or left? (I’ve actually never been on Tinder, so I’m not sure which direction happiness lives in.)
Sometimes you get the thing.
And sometimes it works.
For a moment.
Then the moment fades. And you’re back in traffic. Back in the meeting. Back in the responsibility. Back in the grind of the day while you wait for the next little breath of fresh air.
Another treat.
Another escape.
Another small hit of “this will make today worth it.”
And then I discovered something deeply annoying.
There is actually a way off that hamster wheel.
And I hate that it works.
Because the answer is discipline.
Yes. Discipline.
Even writing the word gives me a full-body eye roll.
I resisted discipline like a toddler refusing vegetables.
I pushed it away. Scoffed at it.
I’m a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants fun loving adhd mom somehow keeping it all together and proud of it. Discipline, humph… I have enough to get me by, thanks but no thanks.
Threw discipline across the room.
And yet…
The more disciplined I became in my spiritual practices every single day, the more the fruits began to crystalize in my life.
Not bursts of happiness.
Something better.
Contentment. Resilience. That mom that is, by nature, pretty frantic sometimes, comes around less and less. The mom that somehow instinctively knows the right course of action, can respond instead of react… she comes around more and more.
Meditation. Reflection. Prayer. Expression. Pausing and Real-izing.
Intentional shifts in how I interpret the world.
Quiet moments that used to feel boring now feel like open space — like I’m waiting for inspiration to rise from somewhere deeper.
Somewhere mysterious. Not logical… but a deep intuition.
When those practices happen daily, something astounding (still annoying, but just astonishing) occurs.
The entire day starts to change.
Traffic jams become time to call someone I’ve been meaning to catch up with.
Meetings become opportunities to actually contribute something thoughtful instead of sitting there silently annoyed by the politics.
I’m no longer just getting through the day so I can escape it later.
I’m actually inside it.
And surprisingly… it’s stupid fun. Seriously though, it’s so friggin worth it.
Don’t get me wrong.
Pleasure isn’t bad.
You deserve the latte.
You deserve the night out.
You deserve the Netflix binge if that’s your thing.
I’m not suggesting austerity.
But when the foundation of your day is discipline — especially spiritual discipline — those pleasures stop being oxygen.
They become dessert.
Nice. Enjoyable. But not the thing keeping you alive.
The most irritating part?
Discipline used to feel restrictive.
Now it feels like freedom (not all the time).
And I genuinely wish that weren’t true.
Because pushing it away was a lot easier. In the short term.
The strange thing about discipline is that it looks like restriction from the outside.
But from the inside, it feels like freedom (again, not all the time).
Because when your inner world is steady, you no longer need life to constantly provide little bursts of pleasure to keep you going.
The day itself becomes enough.
And I wish that weren’t true.
Because chasing pleasure is a lot easier than practicing discipline.
But unfortunately…
stupid discipline works.
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