I’ve been thinking about this part of me.
She’s aggressive.
A little dramatic. But doesn’t think she is.
Definitely convinced she’s right.
And she shows up fast.
Someone says the wrong thing.
Wrong tone. Wrong timing. Wrong person.
And suddenly:
“Fight back.”
“Don’t let them do that to you.”
“Say something.”
For a long time, I thought that was just… me.
My personality. My reactions. My truth.
But it’s not.
It’s a protector.
A part of me that learned ~somewhere along the way~ that the only way to avoid difficult feelings was to fight. To protect by getting angry.
Because feeling:
- “I’m not enough”
- “I’m going to be left”
- “I’m alone”
was way worse.
So instead, she steps in.
And honestly?
She means well.
But I hated yelling, I hated those cutting words that slipped out, I didn’t mean them. But I didn’t know how to stop it in the moment.
This is what made changing my behavior easier.
Not trying to get rid of her.
Not shaming her.
But seeing her and going:
“Yeah… I get why you’re here.”
“Thanks for trying to protect me.”
“But we can just get some air, instead of wasting time and energy, fighting imaginary insults.”
Because she’s not responding to what’s happening now.
She’s responding to something old.
And the more I see that…
the less she has to take over.
She doesn’t disappear.
She just… doesn’t run everything anymore.
If my feelings get hurt, she doesn’t have to jump in and save the day.
And that’s enough.
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